It's been a long, long time.
Posting to Lj has seemed so ridiculous.
I think this will be my last post - and I'll explain more toward the end of it.

I've had a really eventful few months.
I started speaking to my father again. I almost moved to Vegas to be taken care of by him, but 24 hours after I arrived there, I was asking to go home. I'm just not okay with anyone taking care of me, anymore. I'm finally figuring out who I am- though the process will be never-ending.
He's doing well. Only carries cash. Figure it out.
He does help me out quite a bit financially, because San Francisco is a very expensive place to live. I'm grateful. Still the same relationship, however. He calls only when he's talking to me about how much tuition is going to be this year, or that I ought to look for money in the mail.
I'm coming to grips with it. It's really a good situation.

So - tuition. I've decided to go to pastry school in SF. One of the most difficult, condensed courses I will ever take - and definitely the most expensive. Since I'm not moving to Vegas, I am responsible for part of the tuition, and my father has agreed to pay a little.
I got a job. A normal, boring, office job. I have my own clients, and work with lots of computers, a/v equipment, wear business suits. Some perks however. I've made a few girlfriends due to this 9 to 5er.
And I've decided I'm not going to date - for a long, long time. I'm going to finish school, start some sort of career, and then maybe I'll consider dating.
Even then, I wouldn't count on it being men.

I'm moving to a new place on April 1st. Same street, less strings. I'm very excited for freedom and independence and isolation when I need it.

I plan on going to as many baseball games this season, as possible.

I sold a painting. Which has inspired me to continue with other ideas on canvas, and other materials.

I've decided to stop checking livejournal. There are too many people I have histories with, or feel too influenced by. I'd rather not let them affect me so much any longer.

Thanks for everything. :)

Took my phone call. For the first time in 6 years, I got to hear my fathers voice over the phone. Quite an adrenaline rush. I held back a lot. I didn't want to start screaming or crying. The entire ordeal is insane. Looking on the bright side however, I finally have a father again. We've spoken twice this week. I'll call him again on the 25th.

In other news... 2quakes this week in San Francisco, only 2 days apart. A little on the odd side, but neither quake was particularly terrifying.

I won't be doing anything for Christmas this year. I don't even have a tree. That's probably the worst part about this holiday. I was invited to my friend Rohini's parents house, but she's already having so many friends come with her - and I'm not one for such crowds. Total sweetie for inviting me, though.
My flatmate is going to her parents for Christmas as well, and apparently coming back with a lot of kitchen equipment.
I bought a ton of forks before she moved in ... and mysteriously, they've all gone missing. What could she possibly be doing with all those forks?

It seems like every time I move to San Francisco (which is only twice, now - and that's why it's so silly) someone feels the need to watch my every move and send people information about me, anonymously. How odd.
The stalking ---- Yeah, it's getting old. So stop, already. You're not *destroying* anything - I'm not *hiding* anything - so do what you will, and then get over me.


Other than all that nonsense, my life is really interesting, and dare I even say --- Good! Life is good. Not perfect, but really not bad at all!

I've made quite a few friends. I'm going out all the time. I look absolutely gorgeous. And I'm just being myself. My very strange, sometimes difficult to understand, slightly incapable of socializing in any normal manner, self.

So here I am, and there you are - reading this. Why are you reading this?

I let you all believe that my life is incredibly boring - when in fact, it's not... it's filled with not-so-boring complications, decisions, moves, motives, manipulations and heartache. More complications as of late, but I'm surviving and that's all that counts. Though tonight I will admit, I feel a little defeated. Running a fever, dizzy spells, headache. Some kind of scary symptoms for TSS. But I'm in denial about that sort of thing - I just don't believe it would happen to me. Besides, my fever isn't high enough.

On to more important things. Lets talk about all that boring stuff in my life. I live in this awesome flat in San Francisco, on a busy street - but I can't wait to move out of it. Too many strings, you know? Besides, I can hear the bus stopping every 13 minutes on the corner.

Yesterday was my fathers birthday. Another one goes by, and still no word. Not that I'm shocked I couldn't reach him on his birthday... I couldn't reach him on my own either. That sad thing is, I miss him terribly but he's the entire reason why I push any man out of my life. He's also the reason why I allow the ones I shouldn't waste my time with, waste my time. This is some very precious time I'm wasting, people! I'm certainly not getting any younger.

So I celebrated Dad's b-day by finally giving in to a very persistent young (by young I mean 30) mans attempts to hit the town with me. Oh, the witty banter was flowing but I just wasn't into him. We hung out for a while anyway... I was probably leading him on quite a bit. I can't help but give that impression to most men when I'm out with them. I'm a flirt. We floated into some of my old haunts... An agonizing trip down memory lane. I ran into an old lover and found out that he's married now. I never had any feelings for him, and easily let him out of my life - but something about the knowledge of him being married struck me pretty hard. I shifted between being jealous of his wife (because I'm certain she's leading a very comfortable life with him as a husband), and feeling sorry for her because he was a very bad lay. I couldn't get him out of the missionary position... believe me, I tried.

Hey, I think I feel my fever going down. Yup. It is.

Anyway, my career - Yes, lets chat about that. I've been talking with my friends (hey, did I mention I made friends yet? Well, I did), and family as well... discussing what I ultimately want to do for a living, and what sort of personality I have. Let me tell you what I tell them -
I want to be a personal chef... for a family, or a single man.
Why a single man as opposed to a single woman? Men are easier to boss around, I guess. I know I can be as creative as I want with a man - whereas a woman always feels the need to get involved. DON'T GET INVOLVED for goodness sakes. We had these SAME ISSUES a million years ago, when I had different goals.

And this is what they all tell me, based on my personality and what I'm looking to do for the rest of my life.... Ready?
I am supposed to be a house wife.
Ha. Not really a shocker, I guess.
But not just any house wife. A house wife that has a very busy and social husband that needs a wife who can cook 8 course meals for 6 people with 3 hours notice... And apparently I'm supposed to find a man who can afford to have a live in- or daily housekeeper so I never have to clean a dish unless I need to use it right then.
So basically, he has to be filthy rich.
And there's more.
I need a ton of emotional attention, public physical affection, massages, etc. Your over-achieving pampering skills.

Now this is what I added:
He needs to be extremely (EXTREMELY) talented in the bedroom.
He must be a very nice, genuine, generous man with people other than myself (myself included, of course).
He must always have me at the top of his priority list - and he will be tested, because I test a lot.
He must be impulsive and a very quick thinker. Wit, also.


So - who's going to fix me up?

As of the last several days - I have officially become a pizza chef.
The menu, combination of ingredients and pizza crust recipe are my original creations.
Now I just need to focus on some sort of promotion/marketing strategy to gain business. I have very little, presently.
If you happen to have any suggestions- by all means, share.

The actual location of my kitchen/lounge where I'm cooking will be "friends only" information.

I found the most amazing doctor in San Francisco. Actually, the most amazing doctor in the entire country.
This guy was patient, super informative, and very, very intelligent!
I wasn't rushed out of the office... AND he didn't charge me an arm and a leg. I might actually be able to afford healthcare, if this guy is my regular doctor (and I don't need anymore major surgeries)

So, while it did cost me a little bit - (more than I can really afford at present), I don't feel terribly bankrupt like usual upon return from a doctor visit. And I could still afford the prescriptions.

Anyway - I'm taking it super easy today... for the most part. Doctors always take a lot out of me. Came home, filled the Rx, made some lunch and now I'm just laying in bed ignoring phone calls. I should be food shopping for the weekend (supposed to start working in my new kitchen this weekend) but I'm feeling kind of tired. (More so than usual)

Finally! I'll be working/running a real kitchen! No more of this chopping for a living! Woohoo!
It's pizza - but that's just a start. At some point I'll add a real menu - though I'm going to be very, very creative in my pizza making.
I have to clean and organize the kitchen first - so I won't start cooking for a couple of weeks... but I'm totally excited!
I'm just so freaking happy to be using an oven. Mmmmm fire.
I hope all of my San Francisco lj friends come and support me when I start. Word of mouth is everything, these days.

I have all this stainless steel to clean! Ha. I love it.

On other topics - I really wish I could go to the Exotic Erotic Ball on the 28th, in SF... but it's on a Saturday, so I'll be working all night - and there's no point in going anyway, unless I had VIP passes - and that simply isn't affordable these days. Would be cool though. I'll probably just end up going to the Castro for Halloween, after I'm finished working. We'll see. I doubt we'll be very busy that night, so maybe I'll close up early and get dressed up.

It's fleet week in SF. All of my conversations are interrupted by the sound of super-fast-jets-planes flying overhead.
It's also the beginning of the rainy season. Kind of a bummer.
I better get an umbrella.

Ack! It just goes on and on.
My floors were finished yesterday, but I can't move furniture back in until Saturday. I guess the finish needs to set.
So....
Tomorrow. I hope.

My thing on Wednesday, was definitely not a date. It was still fun... but you know - I have really high expectations.

I was too sick to work last night. Don't think I'll be able to tonight either... what a bummer. I completely lost my voice yesterday - blah. I hate being sick. Maybe I'm pushing myself a little too hard? Nah.

So, tonight is the first night I've had free in quite some time!
I'm getting ready to go out - on a date, I think. I'm not entirely sure if it's a date. I guess I'll know when it starts. Typically, the *date* thing has to be spelled out beforehand - but I guess I may let this slide this time, since I haven't been on a date in quite a while.
I am however, suffering from a cold. Just a head cold, but it's been rather unpleasant the last few days - and I can't wait to feel it go.
Yesterday I played photo assistant - and I wasn't paid nearly enough for the amount of work I did. Embarrassing. I don't see myself working for that woman again, unless she tells me she's giving me a very large raise.

Tomorrow my floors will officially be finished. I'll finally have my place back. Looking forward to that. I'd like to furnish the place. It's a bit on the large side, so it's going to take a long time.

Okay. Time to go.

<3